Do I even finish anything anymore? Does anyone? Will there be toilet paper at the store today? These are the questions I have been asking myself lately. Invariably, when I bring up the fact that I feel scattered or unproductive, someone will reassure me that I do plenty. That’s not what I am getting at with this post. I get a lot done. I also live surrounded by a mess of my own making, and it drives me crazy.
If you ask Andy, I’m a super organized list maker. That’s how he sees me. Sure, I make a list for the grocery store or a packing list for vacation. Otherwise, at best, I’m a scrap paper scribbler. At my worst, I’m attempting to remember things without writing them down at all.
Andy remembers when I kept four small children alive and all headed in the same direction. My vacation packing was a work of art. God bless him for always focusing on my strengths. However, those days are in the past. Now, none of my kids want to go anywhere with me, and if they forget toothpaste or deodorant, it’s on them.
In my post-little-kid-parenting life, here are a few other fun facts about the way I function: If you give me a deadline, I will make it or die trying–no excuses. I arrive on time for appointments. I turn in permission slips, pay bills on schedule, and quickly pivot if someone in my family or friend group needs me. Just this very minute, as I wrote all of that down, I realized that I deeply value other people’s time. Perhaps I do not offer myself the same courtesy.
Six Years of Blogging
It is becoming clear to me that I need to be a better scheduler and planner to accomplish my work/life goals. I wrote my first blog post here in April 2014. Over the past six years, we have done a ton of projects. No one could ever describe me as lazy. However, writing and working in this niche for the last six years has introduced me to folks who work primarily using one of two methods.
- Method #1: List Maker/Paper or Digital Planner User – DIYers who stick to this method seem always to have a mile-long to-do list, and they like it that way. They adhere to the list. They get stuff done. If you ask them how they accomplish so much, they will tell you it is because of the to-do list, and you should keep one too. I want to be this person.
- Method #2: No rhyme, No reason, Don’t care – DIYers who follow this path are often surrounded by a mess or chaos, and they are absolutely okay with that. They also get stuff done. They don’t owe or offer anyone an explanation. What they are doing works for them. I want to be this person too.
I Am a Planner Drop-out.
Somewhere in the middle of both types is where you’ll find me. I am a long-time paper and digital planner drop-out. As about a 50/50 visual and kinesthetic learner, keeping a planner seems like a no-brainer. Planners should work for me, but after trying and quitting Getting Things Done, BuJo, Commit30 (oh! the irony), and many less-expensive options, I am hesitant to try something new that costs money.
Two months ago, I bought a left-handed planner, spiral bound for lefties, and I have no idea where it is today. I remember using it for three days. Where the heck did I put it? That question is rhetorical. Seriously, writing this post made me realize that I lost it. Shoot! Where is that thing?
To-Do Lists: It’s Not You, It’s Me.
The to-do list has its place, but when I write everything down, sometimes I feel too overwhelmed by the Mobius strip-nature of it, that I freeze. Since I figured that out a few years ago, my approach has been to try to sneak in tasks. Surprise! Today you are going to rent a sander and sand the entire first floor, or painting cabinets sounds fun! If I spend too much time thinking about the labor, aka seeing it in print, I feel paralyzed.
There is a method of writing down a few tasks, say five, but where should I do that? Tell me slowly, and start from the beginning. Right now, it sounds a whole lot like my scrap paper system.
Is There Hope For Me?
Now is your time to shine. I need help. Do you have a system of life organization that could work for someone like me? I’ve never worked in ratios before. Maybe I need a good pie chart or something. Here are the details:
- I Work-at-home – Writing and teaching DIY topics
- Parental obligations to teens
- I live in the beautiful half-restored, but half-derelict BHH.
- I do not have adult ADHD.
- Essential oils smell delightful, but they probably cannot cure me.
- Planners seem overly complicated. Even though I can pick and choose the pages to use, all that extra stuff feels like wasteful clutter.
- Clutter destroys my productivity.
- I am surrounded by clutter.
- Change is no problem for me, which is why I stopped writing this blog entry four times to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer and the basket. (The buzzer told me to do it!)
Am I looking for a planner? A schedule? A personality transplant? I assure you that this is not COVID-19 madness. Also, I’ll stop you before you say it, I am not too hard on myself. The current method of chaos is not serving me, and therefore, it’s worth exploring a change.
Please assume I know nothing, and start from the beginning.
Yours truly,
22 Comments
Sydney
You and I may be twins. I am like a yo-yo dieter when it comes to systems. Sheltering in place has me close to the brink. I feel like work and clutter and responsibilities are piling up on me but I have zero motivation. Sadly, I have no advice for you, but I’m going to stick around to see what advice others may have to offer. If nothing else, thank you for sharing this and making me feel less alone. Hang in there!
Stacy
Thank you for commenting. It is reassuring to know that there are other people out there that operate the same way I do. Thank you for making me feel less alone too. 🙂
Downraspberrylane
This is the curse of the creative soul. I know, and I understand. The only thing that works for me is to first make a master list for a project (all of the tasks I think are required to complete it), and then, referring to that list, each day I write down just the things I will do THAT day, and check them off just before suppertime (I never do project work in the evenings. I need time for my mind to enjoy the other things that life offers!). Then if there are things leftover, I transfer them to the list for the next day (or the next “workday”), and add as much as I think I can do in a day. Usually (always?) there are things left over, and that can frustrate me, but at least I feel I am moving in a somewhat linear manner. This feels less chaotic to me than my otherwise distracted free-form way of going about things. Another helpful thing…because I usually get ideas for other projects while I am working on the current one, I keep a notepad and pen nearby and jot it down as I think of it. I know that sounds distracting too, but it’s inevitable that I will think of these things and if I write them down I can let them go, and return my focus to the project at hand. I don’t know if this is already close to what you are doing, but I know it works for me. I will be interested in what others say!
Stacy
I read your comment yesterday, but it was so good that I re-read it at least four times and thought about it all evening. What you describe is similar to the Getting Things Done method, but your way is so much more manageable. It’s less an “explosion” of tasks and more a tidy list of achievable daily goals.
The notepad and pen idea is excellent. I think of new things all the time too!
A million thanks for your thoughts and ideas. I’ll be sure to update in a month or so.
Adrienne
A huge ditto to what Downrasberrylane wrote. I have an overarching list but sticking to writing a “what is actually achievable today” list over coffee in the morning helps me pare down to the tasks at hand. Also I got a giant to-do list pad and wrote out BIG, MEDIUM, and SMALL projects lists of things that need doing on our old house project. Being able to go back and look at those stacks of physical lists helps me (sort of like you described) decide what I feel like I can accomplish that day and informs my over-coffee list. Sometimes all I can stand is to knock off a few things from the small list, around dishes and cooking etc. But that’s okay. I still get satisfaction from making that check mark.
Stacy
Thank you so much, Adrienne. Your list organization of big, medium, and small sounds like an excellent Phase II goal. I like this idea very much, and I appreciate that you took the time to comment. It means a lot to me.
Chris
I make both big lists and ad hoc lists. (fyi I have very mild memory retention issues, this is how I deal with them.) For me, the best thing is to use Google Sheets/Excel, because I can easily modify it and/or move tasks around. I start with a list of things that need doing & things that I want to do. Sometimes it is a big thing – build a new counter height desk for art – and sometimes little – install a wall mounted task lamp. If there’s a date I need the thing done by, I add that date in a second column, and if there is associated shopping, that goes in the third. The big list is long and evolving, and if I used it as my to do, I’d be overwhelmed quickly and just play computer games instead.
So then I have two types of to do lists that spin out of my big one. One is a daily list, and it gets no more than 10 things on it, and at least 2 are eat lunch and an hour break. Also includes chores that need doing like cook dinner (and what I’m cooking), laundry, and sweep the floor. I generally order it by must-be-done, want-to-have-done, aspirational. As I do things, I cross them off the list. Love the dopamine hit!
The other list is a calendar with one to two weeks on it. I only make one of these when I have a big holiday coming up, or a big renovation project. Each day has what I am making for dinner, and a short list of tasks, 3-5ish, plus any appointments. If I don’t finish that days’, I drag the undone tasks to a different day (not nec the next day) and I keep rolling. Pretty often the tasks are stuff like – make sure the guest bed has clean sheets and looks tidy. The multi-day approach lets me evaluate order of tasks and prevents me from hitting the deadline in a marathon screaming heap of oh shit, plus it forces me to think about what I want to cook and what I need to buy so that I don’t make 6 trips to Home Despot and eat pizza every night.
Stacy
Thank you so much, Chris. You have such good ideas! Your use of the small calendar is gold. I do have a follow-up question, do you ever set a deadline for yourself just to keep the tasks moving? If so, does your brain believe you? LOL Since I respond well to deadlines, I’m considering trying it, but I’m afraid I would blow them off if I set them for myself.
Alicia
I understand this feeling completely and as one commentator said its the curse of the creative soul – I often find it is amplified by not getting to do the creative things you really want to do – a self-rebellion of sorts. The things that do help me are:
1) Watch out for the word should. I didnt see it in your essay but it is the general sentiment that you “should” be doing something different. Only do things you want to or really need to.
2) hire a cleaning lady or assistant even a few hours a week. I always over reach and this takes the stress of so much.
3) Even though your job is creative you might need more.
4) make tiny lists of super easy to accomplish things so you dont fail
5) only use a planner if you are overwhelmed. I use my planner monthly and it helps me regain control and then I let myself go back to my usual do whatever I feel like methods.
6) meditate – make space for yourself never hurts and stops the hamster wheel feeling.
Good luck, and you’re my hero so…theres that!
Stacy
Wow! I think your comment about rebellion could be spot-on, and I never thought of it that way. Honestly, I sort of resent all the boring business stuff I have to do. Ha! I would rather paint something. Also, before I read all of these responses, I never thought of myself as a creative soul. I mean, I believe that I am creative, but I never considered that it was part of my make-up. Does that make sense? I am starting to look at myself differently, which may help too.
Thank you for including the list of what helps you and for your kind words too. 🙂 They mean a lot to me.
Alicia
I should add that I use a bullet journal style thing. Just a notebook with daily notes- not an actual planner.
Stacy
That’s good to know! Thank you.
Chris
I forgot, the other thing that I find super helpful is a little digital kitchen timer. If I want to do the task, I set my timer for an hour, and at the end of the hour I stretch, and have a break or not, and then set it for another hour. If I really really don’t, then I do 15 min and a 10 min break, rinse and repeat. It’s amazing how many things I don’t want to do can be finished in 15-20 min though!
Stacy
Thank you for adding this. Based on your suggestion, I’m working in ten-minute snippets this morning for quick knock-out tasks, and it does help me keep the focus. The timer method works for toddlers and adults. Who knew? Ha!
Audrey
I always feel like I’m scattered trying to start and finish 100 different things- in that sense just listing them out helps calm my mind. Sometimes I just write them in my reminder section on my phone so that they are out of my mind and I can then reference later (even check them off if I want!)- no losing a pad of paper or pencil with that method. I’ll put day/time alerts on things that are timely (usually kid/car and house maintenance related). I don’t pressure myself to finish these tasks always- sometimes I just need to write out what’s swirling in my brain.
I also love a big dry erase board calendar. And I’ve used a big desk-top calendar for work too- I can’t handle doing it on the computer. Physically writing it helps me, but maybe having it in a larger size will help prevent you from losing it?! I can schedule things on the calendar part but there is also a section of it on the side that I can write upcoming to-do and check them off. Plus it’s not a big investment and if I fall off updating it for a few months I don’t feel guilty! Some months/times in my life are just busier or lend themselves better to this type of planning.
I truly love your blog posts and thoughtful renovations and following along on the journey!
Stacy
Thank you for all of these great ideas, Audrey. It has been so helpful to read everyone’s thoughts on the subject. The big desk-top calendar might work well. I used to use a desk blotter calendar on the wall for the kids, and I used sticky tabs to specify their activities. Perhaps some variation of that would help here too. Since we are four months into the year, they will be extra cheap now. LOL
Thank you for following and reading. 🙂
Lynn
Have you read Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies? I kept hearing good things about it, so finally borrowed an e-copy from my library. And while I’m usually wary of facile groupings of personality traits that are meant to determine how to live our lives better … I actually think this framework might be helpful for me? Rubin doesn’t tell people to change who they are, but offers suggestions for how to work within their tendencies. She has a quick quiz on her website, but I think the longer explanations and descriptions in the book are also worth reading.
As a personal example, I think I’m mostly a questioner, and have been resisting making facemasks for a number of reasons — mainly because we isolate, wash our hands after very rare shopping trips, avoid touching our faces, and homemade masks won’t protect us from the virus further. But where previously I felt grumpy about the gendered social pressure to jump into that sewing project, letting myself sit with my questions and view the problem from other directions has changed my attitude. We won’t wear masks at the store to protect ourselves, but to protect the essential people who have to work in public. That’s a good reason, so I’ve pulled out some fabric and will make a few masks for me and my family later today. Wearing them won’t protect us, but it may give protection and peace of mind to those essential workers. I’m not giddy at the thought of making them, but also not grumpy anymore.
As far as planning goes, I used to use lists on scraps of paper, but tended to lose them. Now I use a very simple BuJo with just four or five tasks listed per weekday, and feel no guilt if something doesn’t get done for a day or two. I try to make sure some of the tasks are my own creative work, because otherwise it’s too easy to make that the lowest priority and never get to it.
No fancy layouts, calligraphy or washi tape are involved. I do use a Moleskine because I like how it feels, and I added a pouch to the front cover for holding a pen, so I don’t have to scramble to find one.
Weekends get a longer list of chores and housekeeping stuff, and I try to do as many of the tasks as I can over the two days, because I know that’ll make the coming week easier. I have some longer lists of tasks for bigger projects that I sprinkle through my weekly lists as I feel moved or as deadlines require, but I don’t generally spend a lot of time looking at the big project lists. They’re really just a means of moving things out of my head so I don’t have to worry about forgetting specific ideas.
Working from home means I haven’t been using even my simple BuJo planning. I miss it though, and will probably start doing it again soon.
Stacy
Hi Lynn, Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I have not read the Four Tendencies, but I put the ebook on hold at the library. Your thought process behind wearing a mask hit home. Perhaps I should explore that side of my personality. I think I could give a simple BuJo a try again too. You’ve given me a lot to think about with your reply, and I will be rereading it as I move forward to a plan. Thanks again!
Nicole Q-Schmitz
I read this post and all I could think about was the Four Tendencies – glad that someone else mentioned it too 🙂 You sound like you’re an Obliger, but definitely take the quiz/read the book to know for sure. Ha, I also feel like you described me completely when you mentioned the littles and getting them organized/going.
Personally, I write paper to-do lists for each day/weekend, and scratch off the tasks as I get to them. I like to write them a day or two ahead of time (especially as I have projects coming up), because it helps me not stay up at night thinking of all the things I have to do the next day. (As in, it’s already written down, and hopefully in somewhat of a chronological order).
AND not sure if anyone mentioned this, but sometimes you just get into such a brain congestion/rut/crazy mode. That sort of sounds like what you might be going through now. I’ve done this before, but essentially you write down EVERYTHING you have in your head as a “to-do” and I mean, like small things to big things. Don’t worry about breaking it down, just get the items out on paper (or computer if that works better).
So for example, for you, it could be “refinish stairs”, “buy macaroni”, “find old planner”, “call the dentist” or whatever. Literally, write everything down, no matter how trivial, easy or hard the task is. You’ll probably have an 8×11 or two full of items. and keep filling it out as you think of them. Often, we have random things stuck in our heads, and you subconsciously feel like you’re never “done”. After a day or two, re-read the list and DO all the small things, like things that take less than 5 minutes each. That should probably take away at least 25% of the items off, and you’ll feel so much better. I think our subconscious equates all to-dos, whether it’s “reschedule the dentist” or “refinish the stairs” as the same weight, even though, clearly one is much more time-consuming/hard than the other.
Hope that helps!
Stacy
Thank you so much for all of these ideas, Nicole. I’m still waiting to receive the book from the library. However, I did take the short quiz, and Obliger seems like a very good fit for me. I’m excited to learn more about it.
You are right on about my brain registering all tasks as equal even when they are not. Good call!
Chris
I try to make believable faux deadlines. If I just choose one, it doesn’t work for me, but if I decide “I want to have the garage cleaned out before the hot weather hits, what do I need to do?” that works for me. Generally though, I do better with “I want to work on the garage this week” and less pressure to actually finish it this week. I do actually do a lot of weather based scheduling too. I have 3-4 sunny days and then storms this week, so I will spend those days rebuilding the raised beds my tomatoes are in since they disintegrated and the soil is mostly holding itself in place, but that won’t last forever.
Stacy
Thank you, Chris. Weather-bases scheduling is a must around here too. 🙂